I really am missing when I used to spend times with the Lord. I used to spend 2 or 3 hours reading the bible, studying the bible, doing research with several concordances, and also through many different versions of the bible....remembering when I had over 30 different bibles, which I collected..in flea markets, yard sales, and antique stores. I even bought a Dakes Annotated Bible, which is so awesome. You can study that bible and you don't even need a concordance..because it has it's own concordance. I loved it. But now my eyesight has got so bad, even with strong reading glasses, the print is so small, I can't use it any more.

So I am going to spend more time, seeking God, and basking in his presence. Not asking Him anything, just being glad to be alive, and reading and studying the bible, or reading again my many books about great men and women of God, like Maria Woodsworth Etter and Kathyrn Kuhlman. And my books about the Great Awakening in Kentucky and Azuza Street Revival, in Los Angeles, Ca. etc. 
It gets your spiritual juices flowing! Julie and I have been watching the sermons of Pastor Robert Morris of Gateway Church, in Southlake Texas, and I've been so inspired by what he has been preaching lately, and he said even he is sometimes guilty of not just fellowship and spending time with the Lord, just resting and not thinking about anything. But how He loves me and I love Him.
I used to take time out of my busy schedule to spend with God. Now I don't have any excuse. I don't have a busy schedule. But I need to get my passion back. I just feel so tired most of the time. I need some energy. My get up and go, just got up and went!
So this morning I was reading the book of Habakkuk, and I don't know why, God just led me there. So I was studying it. Well,  Habakkuk was a prophet who lived about 600 years b.c. His name means "embrace" so that meant he was "embraced by God". 
He lived during the time of Judah's most critical periods. The world around it was at war, and the threat of invasion added to Judah's internal turmoil. So the book of Habakkuk gives the account of a spiritual journey...taking us to doubt to worship. The difference between the beginning of the book and the end of the book is strikingly different.

So that is what I end with. I will trust God, and no matter what happens, I will love Him to the end. Because I know He loves me. And I will walk up on the mountains with sure footing like the deer walks. 

Times they are a'changing

Changing times. I like change.  October the leaves change color. I love this time of year. Some people don't like change. It's not that I am bored that I like change, but something happens to cause me to change. Or things around me to change. I don't fight it, I just go with the changing tide and the changing seasons.

I used to like to change my furniture around in my house, Or pictures on the wall, or change my curtains. It made me feel like I was in a new house. But these days I like things like they are now. I am content with things.

I have always been happy to try something new, like new recipes, new hair styles, make new friends, new style of clothes. Sure didn't want to look like all the rest of the girls or women. I have always wanted to be different.

So something is about to change. I have felt it for quite awhile. It started to change last week. Last week I struggled through frustration, and was overwhelmed, and tired out. I had worked on writing a great story for the paper for days and days. I was obsessed with finishing it. It was good, I thought, I was in the process of e-mailing it to the people who the story was about, for them to check over for any mistakes. I opened the document and read it over again, and decided to change the title a little bit. I did that and hit enter and the text disappeared. My story was lost.

I tried to find it for a couple of days talking to experts on the phone and chatting with people of websites. They told me to do this and that. I did all they said but never found the story. It had been auto-saved in Word, but it was blank, no text.

Then I called Kristen at the newspaper office, she is an expert on computer technology, she uses a Mac too, like mine. She offered to come to my house to help. She did this week, worked  long time. She called a friend named Brian who is an awesome "techie" or "geek". And he knows Macs for sure. Would you believe my story is gone? He couldn't find it either.

So, that is when I finally decided to change my life. Well,  I had been thinking about it for several months. I have written my column "Rainy Days and Starry Nights" for a newspaper for 15 years. That is a lot of columns and stories. Hundreds maybe. I am still going to write: my blogs, my stories, on Facebook,  my family history, and occasionally send them to be published, like to the Wilson County News but not on a regular basis.

I feel so much better, because I have no pressure to write. I have resolved my self to the fact that the story is gone. But it is like a piece of myself is gone. The yearn to write is still there, I wake up in the middle of the night and think of something I want to write about. I start to formulate the story in my mind.

So I wonder where this road will take me. I feel peaceful and content. But I will be meandering down the road, not driving, just walking, even the slow lane drivers will pass me by.

You can call me Maxine (aka Lois or Mimi)

I was just thinking this morning.....about writing about my self....how I don't really like to do that...thinking "who likes to read about an old woman and what she thinks". I prefer to write about other people, because I find people so very interesting. I always meet someone and I think "I bet he has a story to tell". And if I ask questions, I find out it true!
Well, this morning I find myself feeling old and decrepit! I hate so say it, but it is true. I will write about this one time, and that is it, because I don't want to talk about it anymore. I hate to complain about my ailments to anyone. I complain to God. Who wants to hear someone go on and on about their ailments. Seems like old people do that a lot. I am old. But I think young! So there. When I get this out of my system, I will feel better just writing it.
My bones ache and I feel pain when I walk, get up, or down, and I can't walk far, and I can't walk up a hill, even a small hill, with fear of falling, and when I go to the basketball games with Bob, someone has to help me climb the bleachers, but only 3 or 4 rows. I mean it takes Bob and some other helpful man, to help me up and help me down later. I hate that. My knees are so weak, I can't get up out of a low chair by myself. It is a pitiful way to live. So  I think my days are limited to keep going to the games. Unless God heals me.It is better to stay home.
I can't cook meals like I used to, because after about 30 minutes in the kitchen, my back hurts so bad, and my hip and my knees get weak. So I have to go sit down, before I fall!
So that is the way it is. So when I went to Dr. Frye about a month ago, with Julie, I asked her about my pain, and she gave me a steroid shot in my right hip. My right thigh/leg was hurting so bad I could hardly walk.  It helped for about 2 days and the pain was back..I called her and asked if she thought a chiropractor would help, and she wanted me to have complete x rays done the hospital. I did, and so she sent them to Dr. Krause my Orthopedic doctor to look at, and Wednesday I went to him. But the pain has eased somewhat. Thank God. He is sooo nice! He also was the doctor who operated on Julie's hip.
Well, it appears I have arthritis in all my bones. My right hip especially, which has been causing all my pain in my right leg, and my spine...arthritis in my spine, also I have a little bit of what they curvature of the spine. That explains why my back hurts so much, even after sleeping all night in a comfortable pillow top bed. When I get up in the morning, my back is in so much pain, I can hardly walk. OMY! I feel ancient. I makes me want to cry!
So he recommended an injection in my hip in the bone. Next Monday I get it at the hospital radiologist.
I hope it works this time. I think it is a steroid.
I have been praying for God to heal me. I know God healed the pain in my hands which are ugly and gnarled with arthritis ...they looks bad...but there is no pain in my hands Praise God! I can still type! Thank God because I love my computer. It is my best friend.
Another thing happened last night. To Julie. She fell while walking through the living room. She just lost her balance. I was in the kitchen and looked up to see her lose her balance and fall. Thank goodness, she fell over the little leather hassock, and did not hurt herself. She slid down to the floor. But of course I could not get her up. I couldn't get my neighbors on the phone, and could not get Pastor Bennie or Pastor Jeanette on the phone. Finally I called Rocio and Pablo who live out in the country and Pablo and his daughter Damariz came into town and helped Julie up. It only took them about 15 minutes to get here. If they couldn't come I  was going to call Bob and Debbie to come to town to help me. They live about 15 minutes from here too.
That was my night last night. I am so frustrated that I can't do things like I used to. I hate being old. But I thank God he is still in the healing business, and I will be healed, because He has already healed me, it just has not been manifested yet.
Today I have asked Rocio to come stay with Julie, while I get a manicure from Ashley. I always am uplifted and happy, after I go to my "Steel Magnolias Beauty Shop" and are with Ashey and Sylivia and all the nice ladies that I happen to see there every week. That is the extent of my social life. It is wonderful!

Sept. in South Texas, North Texas, and being a sanctuary for the Lord.

I was just thinking this morning about how much I love September....and October...and November....especially in South Texas...because truthfully, I would rather be in North Texas...especially during the summer and fall.
 I lived in North Texas almost half my life. don't find the colors of the trees turning as much down in South Texas. As you do in North Texas. Mesquite trees don't turn ...they just die and turn yellow and not a very pretty yellow, then fall off. They say as long as the mesquites are green autumn - is still far away.
But here I am back in S. Texas, back to my roots. Back to where it all began for me. So even though I prefer North Texas, this is where I ended up. This is where God wanted me. So I decided to just "bloom where I was planted". Make the best of my circumstances. The main thing I miss is having a good friend to hang around with, pray with, go places with, someone who has the same thoughts and desires and will listen as I talk, and we can tell each other things, and we know the things that are private, will stay with only us.
But I am so happy I have pastors I can talk to.  And I have God who I know hears me, and I can hear Him when I listen.
I decided on Sept. 1 that I am going to spend time with the Lord every morning like I used to. First thing I do when I get up, is get me a cup of coffee, then go to my hiding place, my office right now...and before I turn my phone on, before I go to my computer, I don't even play music. I just sit quietly for a short time, like 10 minutes and meditate on God and try to think Good Things. Then I open my bible and read some scriptures: I am reading Psalm 101 through Psalm 130 this month. I study that Psalm for a time, dissecting it through and through. To see if I get anything specifically from God. And I do every morning!

At least I feel better! After 2 hours of sitting, reading, listening, and talking to the Lord, I am ready to get to my computer, play some music, and read my email and see what Facebook has to offer from my FB friends.
Hallelujah, I love Mondays....and the word I got yesterday was "believe" and "on the 3rd day you will get some good news".

I want to be a sanctuary for people and for God.

Lean on me, says the Lord.

I wonder why I quit writing this blog. Haven't written in it since February. I always liked the name of it. So this morning I have been thinking...why can't things be peaceful for a long time? Just when things seem to be going along, with nothing bad happening for my friends and family, boom! The earth shakes and things happen. So the moral of the story, is enjoy life, don't worry about tomorrow, because you don't know what is going to happen tomorrow. Just enjoy today!
So today I am praying for peace, joy, and happiness in this day for several people, and you know who you are. You are reaching out for strength, wisdom, and guidance....and you question what is God doing? Sometimes you don't understand why this is happening? But you know, sometimes God doesn't show you that. He says "Lean on me. Don't fret. I am your comforter and your friend."
Used to, when I was going through those years with Eddie who had Alzheimer's, I decided to not question why. I just lived for that day and didn't worry about what tomorrow would bring. I didn't want to know what tomorrow was going to bring. I had hope, though, that tomorrow was going to be good. That way I got through that day.
So, I would say to anybody that is going through this troubling time,  Hope for Tomorrow!
Keep hoping. Don't give up!
But sometimes you can wish things were different, like right now I wish I could pray out loud for people, like I used to. Sometimes I feel so inadequate when I pray. My speech is so halted and I can't say what my brain tells me to pray. But I know the Holy Spirit will pray for me.
I know I am grateful to God for many things...like for this cool weather in July we are having, for the rain we going to have, and for my beautiful children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren, for having a home, and my health, and the ability to write stories and read, and my friends and there are so many blessings I can't even count them.
I am sad for my loved ones, who are going through hard times, health problems, employment problems, and relationship problems, and financial hard times. I ask God to lift them up and let them sing for joy. Picure is A new morning in Floresville.

The winter is past

 After several weeks or months of cold, rainy, freezing weather, with cloudy skies, the last few days have warm, and sunny, temperatures in the 70s and 80's. I wonder what it means.

For lo, the winter is past,
The rain is over and gone.
12 The flowers appear on the earth;
The time of singing has come,
And the voice of the turtledove
Is heard in our land. (Song. of Songs 2:11,12)

Everything still looks dead and cold out there.
But there is hope for tomorrow. 
We are enjoying watching the Winter Olympics this week. I really have gotten fond of the Americans on the teams! Those young people make me wish i was young again! And it made me think of the time I went with some friends to Boulder Colorado one December, to see a friend as a surprise for her birthday, her husband arranged it as a surprise. it was a fun week seeking out fun things to do in Boulder and then I stayed longer and Mary and I went walking in the snow storm several blocks behind their house, where there was a hill. Carrying sleds ...the round ones...and she dared me to go down the hill on that sled. I did it. It was so much fun, especially for an old lady like me...I think I was 67 that year! I will have to find the pictures she took of me!
So, I have pretty much staying home in the icy weather, but then I had to go to the doctor here, to the labs, then i had to go to the hospital for a mammogram and bone density tests, and to my dentist in San Antonio.
But that day it was cold and rainy, and I dreaded going but i did. I got home safe as you can see now! ha.
Last week we were so sad because my sister, Liz (or as I call her, Sis), passed away and we had her visitation on Friday night in San Antonio, and her funeral/celebration service Saturday in San Antonio. The only thing happy about it was I got to see my children Derek and Lil Red, and Kristi and Chuck, who I love so much, and don't get to see a lot. 
I have been reading a lot of books, these days, I just got through reading The Blue Bottle Club, for the second time in 10 years. What a good book! I would recommend it to all my women friends and family and loved ones...It is not a love story, but a story of 4 teenaged girls putting their dreams of hopes for the future down on paper, then putting them in a blue bottle on Christmas Day, 1929, and hiding it in a crack up in the attic. They forget about it, mainly because of the Crash of Wall Street that happened later that year, and then all of them gradually went their separate ways...and then someone found the bottle in 1994, (a destruction crew that was demolishing the house then). and this girl...a reporter for the local TV station, was give the bottle by the worker and was fascinated by what she found when she found a way to open it and read all their desires and plans for the future, when the graduated. So she began to search for the women...after 65 years had past, she just prayed a few of them were still alive.
Wonderful story. 
So today, I am going to try to see if I can talk to an old man, that my publisher wants me to do a story on, who is 90 years old, and an artist who studied art in Chicago many years ago..now lives in Floresville alone...right near our house. I need to get ready to go, make sure my tape player has batteries, and hope I find him home. 
More later today!

I was just thinking about October

I was just thinking about how I love October! Especially Octobers that are so cool. I have lived through 81 Octobers and that is a lot of Octobers. Some of those run together and were the same every year, and I like to forget those! Like when it is still like summer and it is so hot and dry, and Daddy would be a bad mood, muttering and talking to himself as he worked on the tractor, or any work about the farm. When you saw Daddy talking to himself, you wanted to stay far away and not do anything that would  get him to cussing and yelling!

But I love to remember all the cool Octobers, and rainy Octobers (of which they are seldom in South Texas). But this October the weather makes me happy and remembering the best Octobers. It has been so rainy and cool...I hope it last forever. Makes me want to get in the kitchen and cook...a big pot of chili, or soup, or stew.  Or bake something. Yesterday I made banana nut bread. Yumm, it was from a recipe in my dietetic cook book that I bought to cook for Eddie all those years. It doesn't have a lot of sugar, and it is dee-licous! Julie and I had a piece last night, slathered in butter and cream cheese!

On days like this on the farm, Daddy would be in a good mood, and like i have written before in my book, rainy days were my favorite days, because he had mother roast some peanuts (they called it "parch") and then we would all sit on the front porch and eat peanuts and watch the rain come down! Heaven!

Daddy was in such a good mood and he would sing songs for us!

Then I remember going to school when it was cold in October, and we would all sit by the wood stove or heater, and read during recess since we could not go outside. Or we played games like I-Spy, Blind Man's Bluff, or Gossip. 

I still remember one of my favorite books to read when I was in the 2nd or 3rd grade, was a book about a squirrel that hunted for acorns in the fall, and always wished we had an oak tree, or pecan tree, so we could gather acorns of pecans. All we had to gather was Mesquite beans in the summer...but we didn't know about how they were good for smoking barbecue then. We just left them laying there, or fed them to the pigs.

In October the week before Halloween, in school we all made, Jack-o-lanterns and witches made out of construction paper and put them on the windows. Then of that day, before we went home, the teachers had a party after lunch for us. I think maybe Mother  was one of the mothers who brought cookies and the teacher furnished punch and we had a Halloween Party! We bobbed for apples in a wash-tub full of water and played other games. It was the highlight of October for us on the farm. No one ever heard of trick-or-treating.

But when my kiddos were little ... I only remember them going trick-or-treating in the 1960's. Julie was an Indian Princess (I had made her an Indian dress when she was in Campfire Girls), and Derek was a cowboy, and Kristi was a little witch. Trent was too old-a teenager- so he gave out the candy at the door.

Then when we moved to Hurst, in North Texas, Octobers were the best, because it was always cooler up there. I could not get enough of the trees which had leaves that turned to gold, orange, and red in October! The October we moved to our new house on Yucca Trail, the kids and I went over to Chisholm Park and picked up firewood for our  new fireplace. The trees were so colorful and the park was under construction then so we had lots of firewood when we got home. Somehow that days stands out if my most favorite memory of Octobers. I had never seen trees that beautiful and when we got home, we had our first fire in our new house. I think we popped popcorn that night too. On one of those poppers that you held over the fire in fireplace. That night all of the family gathered around the fireplace in the den, and had a good time. I wonder if any of my kids remember that.

This October reminds me of that day. I wish we had a fireplace. Eddie loved our fireplace. One October he and I went to Jacksboro to find some wood. We did! It was a beautiful drive and we stopped for lunch somewhere and came home with our trunk full of wood, and an order of a cord of wood to be delivered later that week.

Then there was in 1991, in October I went to New York to visit Gerry in New Rochelle. I stayed a week and it was glorious. One day we went walking for hours and the trees and foliage was so vibrant and beautiful, it took my breath away. All the trees seem have turned all colors of Autumn, gold, orange, yellow and red. I took a ton of pictures. I need to find them. One day we went up to West Point and then over to Connecticut and drove all over and that was even more spectacular. It was like I was in a wonderful dream and it was not in black and white - it was...in color!! I didn't want that week to end. The picture above was taken in Connecticut - though I didn't take it, I took many just like that!!!

Later I will tell about my trip to Durango, Colorado to see Kristi and Taylor and it was in the fall! O my...that was another good trip. See why I love October?

I love October! Especially cool and rainy days!