Friday, November 30, 2012

Joy Comes in the Morning

So I am posting on Blogger today. LiveJournal keeps changing things so I don't know what to do or how to write. I have had Live Journal since around 2005 or 2006. I really liked writing on there, and my granddaughters and Kristi and some friends used to comment many times. You could comment as anonymous if you didn't belong to LJ. Nowadays, I guess it is hard for people to comment, because I don't get any feedback...except on Facebook. But i know people read my blogs, because I now know how to see my stats (hits) and see how many people went to my page, and hopefully read it. Maybe they just go there and then don't read it! But lately I have been encouraged because there has been lots of "hits" like 70 or 80.
So I will try Blogger again today.
If anyone has been reading my blogs, they know I have been going through  a really blah and depressing time....for the last month or two. I am not excited or look forward to anything these days. If you never have been like that, you don't know what I mean. If you have, you know how hard it is get out of it. Even if you have lots of faith, and pray, and read your bible, and try to think positively, it is like you are slogging through the mud and can't get anywhere. You make yourself get dressed and go somewhere, but you can't wait to get back home, and go into your cozy nest and hibernate some more.
That is not like me. I used to have so much energy, and vim and vigor and so many irons in the fire, the day was not long enough. I never was bored.  Cause I made something happen, if there was nothing happening. I had so many friends, and my kids had friends, and our house was always full of people.
Well these days  I just am tired. I am tired of making things happen. I have to force myself to plan something.
Yesterday, Kristi called me to see how I was. And we had a long conversation ...3-way..cause Julie was on the phone too! It is so good to talk to my daughters and we have a great conversation....we all talk ....and before we hung up, I was feeling so much better, we laughed and talked, about everything. Kristi suggested I go back on my Lexapro, the antidepressant I have taken for 10 years, since Eddie first had Alzheimers....I decided to stop taking it, about 2 or 3 months ago. Maybe that is why I am so darn blah and depressed. I started again last night to take it.
Last night Julie said I need prayer. So....she prayed for me. She prayed a great prayer. I told her to cast that spirit of depression out of me. So she did!
I am only going to watch inspirational and positive shows on the TV. I have stopped watching shows I usually like to the The Good Wife, Cold Case, Criminal Minds, Dateline (mostly shows about wives murdering their husbands and husbands murdering their wives), and now I am going to stop watching Parenthood. So many unhappy depressing things going on there in the family. I am depressed when it is over!
We live in a depressing time for America and all over the world. I don't need any more heaped upon me. I started reading an Ann Tyler book this week...I was so depressed reading it, at what was happening with the family in the book, I put it on the shelf. I am not going to read things like that to make me depressed.
This morning  I was reading my bible. I always read the Psalm for today. Since today is the 30th, so it is Psalm 30...where it says "For His anger is but for a moment, but His favor is for a lifetime or in His favor is life. Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning."
That is my promise from God today. I pray the Lexapro starts working and the prayer Julie prayed works. After all, I choose life!

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