Thursday, July 21, 2011
He's been gone almost two years. It's strange that I am missing him more now now than before. Maybe that was because for more than 10 years he was slowly leaving me. Why do some things take so long?
Maybe that was God's way of preparing me for him leaving. I just can't ask,"Why God?", can I? I never did ask then, so I won't ask now. I just know that it is and has been. Don't ask questions. Just try to get on with your life. And cope the best that you can. I am never one to ask God, "Why me?"
Like with Julie. I never asked why God? I just did and took every day as it was, thankful for another day. I didn't plan for tomorrow. Or worry about tomorrow. I lived for that day. Took one day at a time. Hoping for a good tomorrow. And tomorrow always comes.
This week I was encouraging my friend Christa to write her memoirs soon. I think she is going to start doing it. She said something about some things are too painful to go back and write about. But it is time for her. Maybe it is time for me too. Some things are too painful to write about for me too. Like things that happened that day, and the weeks and months and years to come. Almost 30 years.
I always write about the first 30 years of my marriage because those were the happy years, the decade of the 1950's, my Golden Years, and the 1960's were the Turmoil of the 60's, with the assassination of a president and the Vietnam War protests and the Jesus Movement, but it really didn't affect me or my husband or children directly...well, maybe when I remember when Eddie and Trent used to argue about the Vietnam War. The 1970's were the years when my children began to leave the nest, go to college and marry. But those were such good years too. The weddings, the graduations, the family Christmases and Easters and reunions.
I had such high hopes for the 1980's. In January of 1982, Eddie and I were alone again. I was not one to have "empty nest syndrome". I was looking forward to my freedom. I had plans. Julie was pregnant and so happy to be having a baby after 7 years of marriage. Kristi and Bill were on their own in a little house in the country with their little baby Stephanie who had been born in November. They were 17 years old. Two pictures above are of a baby shower Kristi had for Julie in her house. And Miranda playing nearby.
Trent and Kathy were living in Arlington where he was a lab director in clinic, and Kathy was working for the telephone company, and they had Miranda who was 3 years old. Derek and Judy were married and living in an apartment nearby. Life was very good. This was going to be a very good year.
That summer we went to Colorado with Margaret and Johnny. We had such a good time. We got a cabin on Vallecito Lake. We rode the train in Durango through the mountains to Silverton and back. We had a snowball fight up on Wolf Creek Pass in June. We viewed the lovely landscape and planned on all retiring there some day, where Johnny and Eddie would have a little grocery store up in the mountains and Margaret and I would have a little studio room attached, where she would sell her Avon products, and I would have an art studio and give art lessons. We dreamed our dreams and hoped they came true. The picture above is me in Colorado near Vallecito Lake.
So, now as I look through the albums, I was just thinking about the last 30 years. So much has happened.
I am beginning to miss my husband. I think I have been in shock and numb for the last 30 years, and especially the last 10 years. It has been difficult for me to cry. I am alone, but not lonely, I miss him sometimes like when Julie burps and I say, "Get any on you?" and we laugh because her daddy used to say that to anyone who burped out loud and laugh his funny little laugh.
Or like when I see beautiful yellow cannas in someone's yard, and I remember Eddie.
One day, before I knew what happened, he had cut down and dug up my beautiful yellow cannas under the kitchen window, saying "Those things have taken over that flowerbed."
Then I get mad all over again like I did that day, and the days and weeks and months afterward, when I would go on the patio and see the bare flowerbed. And that was just the beginning of the things he cut down through the years, things I loved.
It makes me fell better now, because I don't miss him as much! ha.
I guess it is good to remember the good things, and not the bad, depressing things.
But I always tell people that the bad things are part of your history and make you what you are now. And I know God has been working on my testimony. Because "I overcome the devil by the Blood of the Lamb and the word of my testimony" (Rev. 12:11)
I know it is better to remember the joyful, fun, happy, times. So that is what I do. And that is what I have these days to keep me company. So I look at old picture albums and remember and smile as the good memories come back.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Having fun in the kitchen and Pastors Herrera and Pastors Moore having fun
Sunday we went to our pastors' dedication for their new home. We had a really good time. I feel like the people in our church are like family, and I am the grandma! Everyone is younger than me. Sometimes I want to have a party here in our home for the friends in our church. Maybe when the weather gets cooler.
Tuesday I met a 95 year old woman, Ellene Johnson, in the waiting room at
the doctor's office. She was so cute, petite, her hair was neatly coiffed (I could tell she had a hairdresser do it) and her make up was perfect and she was dressed so nice! I started a conversation with her to find out about her.
I like people. I like meeting new people and always ask them questions about themselves. Like the woman I met in the waiting room of my eye doctor, that day.....when I started a conversation with her, she said to me, "Are you a reporter?".
I laughed and replied, "No, but I like people and like to write their stories, and may write your story in my column for the newspaper".
I didn't write it but I remember how interesting she was telling about how she was only one of two woman aircraft mechanics at the aircraft plant.
Getting back to Tuesday and Ellene Johnson, I also talked to the girl that brought her from the nursing home in Stockdale, Denee Bustos. Even though Ellene Johnson was 95, she was bright and sharp and so interesting. Denee was the activity director there. She said she takes Ellene shopping, etc. Denee told me how funny she was and particular. She has to have everything match in her room even to the Kleenex boxes, which has to match her bedspread. I plan to visit her next week and do a story on Ellene. I can't wait to hear her story. Denee said she has some really funny and interesting stories to tell about her life!
I have been walking everyday (just missed one morning) for two weeks. But I only walk 15 or 20 minutes, cause it is so boring!
Tonight we will go to Eric Travieso's service/bible study at the Convention Center. I like it because he is such a good preacher/teacher. And the service is so short. When he preaches or teaches you hang on to every word! It is just 5 minutes there, and 45 minutes of preaching and then 5 minutes back home. And he is so interesting and you get fed the Word of God and get filled up. It is like a refreshing drink of water in a dry land. I am so glad he is back in Floresville. He has a testimony that will blow you away. You know that God is real and does miracles when you hear it. And you will become a believer!
Tomorrow my sister Gerry from Round Rock, and my brother Sam and his wife Rose, and my sister Margaret are going to meet us at Jack's Cafe for lunch. I haven't seen Gerry for months and months. Gerry is the first one in my family that got the Holy Ghost back in 1982. She is responsible for leading Eddie and me back to church and to Jesus and the Holy Spirit in the winter of 1983 when Julie was still in the hospital. That is a testimony I will share with anyone. If you want to know ask me. Only God can do some things -
And Hallelujah! My granddaughter Miranda is coming to spend the weekend with us! Can't wait to hear what is happening in her life! She is about to become a missionary to the Dominican Republic in August. She is quitting a great job in Austin, and will be gone for two years, and trusting God for support. She is going to work in the library of a school there.
When she comes here we always talk and laugh and watch TV shows like Cash Cab, and HGTV (I like House Hunters, Int. and she does too), and the Cooking Channels, and old movies on Turner Classic Movies, and she will cook for us (she is a great chef), and then we will go to church at FCF on Sunday! It's gonna be a wonderful weekend!
Okay, time to eat breakfast, finish reading my John Grisham book, "The Last Juror". I can't wait to read what happens next. I am half way through it.
Stay on the sunny side of life!
Thursday, July 7, 2011
I walked earlier today. It was 6:45 AM when I left the house. The sun was just coming up and it looked blood red. It caused the sky to be a brilliant red. But when I took a picture it appears yellow, and the sky is red. Maybe I need a filter on my camera? I hope the red sky means rain for South Texas.
When I came by the young mesquite tree in the fence line, I saw it had hundreds of mesquite beans on it. It isn't a tree yet!
It got me to thinking about the two big mesquite trees we had on Yucca Tr, in Hurst. Eddie hated those trees. They were loaded with beans and finally dropped in the grass and the driveway. He cussed those things when he had to sweep or rake them up. I think Bill took a sack home occasionally for smoking barbecue. Eddie was so happy when one of them died. He had Derek cut it down. I was so mad. Because I wanted him to leave the trunk and the big limbs on it, because I would hang flower baskets on those limbs and my yard looked beautiful. I came home from visiting Kristi and Bill on the ranch in East Texas, and discovered Eddie had had that tree cut down. Talk about crying. I did that.
I got home this morning and researched the internet, what mesquites were good for. Especially the beans. Wow. I think maybe I will start a business. If I were 50 years younger maybe I would.
This is what I found out: The common Mesquite grows in dry areas almost everywhere on earth, thanks to humans who treasure the food and wood it provides. Every part of a Mesquite is useful. Today as in the past we use the wood in great quantities for smoking meats. Mesquite wood is an excellent fuel and was sought after by all Native American groups and Europeans as well.
Mesquite beans were a major, if not the primary food source for the desert Apache, Pima, Cahuilla, Maricopa, Yuma, Yavapai, Mohave, Walapi, and Hopi tribes.Most Mesquite beans are sweet, typically containing about 30 percent sucrose; they produce sweet flour that can be baked into breads, mixed in water to make coffees and teas, and added as an ingredient to many other foods!
Mesquite is essential to the survival of wildlife in the desert. The survival of over 200 plants and animals is tied to the part the mesquite plays in the ecosystem of the desert. Mesquite is considered a “nurse plant” because of its ability to provide protection and nutrients.
Mesquite Beans placed on the grill release that same flavor as the mesquite charcoal or mesquite wood chips. In fact because the flavor is concentrated in the beans some people believe that the smoke of the beans is more intense then mesquite charcoal or chips.
Mesquite bean syrup
Made from extracting the juice from the mesquite bean pods. Slice a baking apple, pour Mesquite Bean Syrup on top and bake until soft. Also, serve over ice cream and pancakes!
Mesquite bean jelly
This amber colored jelly has a sweet apple and allspice flavor. It is a great compliment to any apple dish, on ham or pork entrees. This is made from the pods of the mesquite trees.
Mesquite is an excellent source of dietary fiber. Heidi Swanson who wrote a cookbook, described mesquite flour as "absolutely delicious, with a scent that is both warm and comforting but with much less edge than a cinnamon or even canela. When heated it permeates the kitchen with a mellow sweet fragrance that is unlike anything else"
Does anyone know how to make mesquite bean jelly? Think I will try that!
I will let you know how it turns out!
Saturday, July 2, 2011
I’m going by the upper road, for that
still holds the sun,
I’m climbing through night’s pastures where
the starry rivers run:
If you should think to seek me in my
old dark abode,
You’ll find this writing on the door,
“He’s on the Upper Road.”
Sometimes beauty is right around you, and you can't see it because things are so dark. So start walking on the upper road.
Went for a walk today at 7 a.m. I remember when I was so limber and in good shape, I could place my hands flat on the floor - while bending over - not even bending my knees. That was long ago, about 30 years ago. Maybe even 20 years ago. So I was limbering up before I went walking, and I tried it. I can still bend over, my legs straight, and touch my finger tips to the floor! I think I will do this each day, and one day I can place my hands flat on the floor again. Help me Lord.
While walking this morning I began to walk thinking how boring it was. Same fields, same street, no trees, no flowers, I could hear a lone bird chirping in the distance somewhere.
So I said to God, “Well, if you want me to walk, you’ll have to show me something I have never seen before. This is boring!
My hipbones were hurting and my joints felt like they needed oiling or something. I was in pain.
Then as I turned toward the fence line, I saw a lonely sunflower plant standing tall in the barbed wire fence, and had about 6 flowers, some small, others larger. They were beautiful! I took some pictures. Why hadn’t I noticed them before? I took one close-up and I noted the detail of the center of the flower. Beautiful!
I was thinking as I went on down the road, how sometimes there are things right around you that are so beautiful and you don’t see them!
Then I realized I wasn't hurting any more! I finished my walk with no pain. Isn't that amazing. Look what happened when I was walking on the upper road.